MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello - Thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital. Please select from the following options menu
.If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly

.If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you

.If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6

If you are paranoid, we know who you are & what you want, stay on the line so we can trace  your call

.If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press

If you are manic-depressive, press any number, it doesn't matter, nothing will make you happy anyway

.If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep, .please wait for the beep

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9

.If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you

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